It feels the same, it looks the same but it’ll never be the same
It’s been about two months of returning back to a somewhat normalised life. Although it may feel trite to constantly talk about it, readjusting, again and again, is so damn hard. After living life a certain way for the past two years, it has become almost inconceivable to seek the old lives we used to have.
We became used to ample downtime with ourselves – it often even felt like too much time alone with our thoughts. We became used to a lower level of social interaction, only speaking to one another through our screen. Even work was done from the comfort of our homes.
“The thing about change is that everything feels the same until it doesn’t. You wake up one day and realise that life is completely different than it was just a few months ago”
When things burst open the way they did, many of us were caught in the wave. Going through the motions of the New Normal, just trying to keep up. The thing about change is that everything feels the same until it doesn’t. You wake up one day and realise that life is completely different than it was just a few months ago.
To me, it feels like in an attempt of keeping up with all these changes, we haven’t taken the time to process what we all went through. I watch people around me live their lives with ease and without the fear that exists like a dull headache – not particularly bothersome but everpresent. Or maybe that’s just how it looks from the outside, maybe everybody feels that nagging anxiety that all of this is fragile and temporary.
I too have been enjoying the relaxed regulations and am finally feeling like my life is progressing, but it also feels as if I am constantly just getting away with it. I am getting away without getting the virus, I am getting away with spending time with my friends, I am getting away with trying to enjoy life once more. It still feels like I’m doing something wrong and am just lucky enough to skate by without repercussion.
However, a part of me is still waiting for the shoe to drop. For the moment when the dreadful news of a new variant or another lockdown that’ll send us back to the sedentary life that we so painfully only just survived.
I don’t know how to let go of this and return to the carefree existence I once had. In the history of our lives, the pandemic will only be one small portion but yet the effect that the two years has had on us, at least for now, has irrevocably changed who we are. Pretending that things are normal because we are caught up with our busy lives, in my opinion, fails to acknowledge and even honour the experience that we had.
“Pretending that things are normal because we are caught up with our busy lives, in my opinion, fails to acknowledge and even honour the experience that we had”
It was awful and scary and terrible and heartbreaking. It was one of the hardest times of our lives. We have come out of this worst for wear and we will always look back on this period with grief for all that we lost. I’m not here to paint a silver lining, rather own the experience for what it was and carry the weight of it into the next phase of our lives.
I don’t believe we will ever be the same. Maybe it’ll look somewhat the same and feel somewhat the same but for the time being, at least I will continue to feel like I am just getting away with it. And that’s okay.